If ice-cream is a kind of temptation ;
Your love is a kind of sensation ♥
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Thursday, August 15, 2013
Philophobia.
Start blogging because I'm so effing bored. You noe. Zzz. Things for this few days has been normal, when get you busy, you get real busy, but when you're free, you're so damn free. No luh, actually I've things to do, but i hate doing it, so i'm taking my own sweet time to do, since it's not urgent either right. Physical things has been simple, easily, wake up, work, go back home, eat, watch tv, sleep, next day same process again. But emotionally things has been getting more and more complicated.
I'm in a damn damn damn damn damn bad dilemma. Seriously. You people can survive like that ? I dun think i can, seriously. Well, but, closer then friends, less then couple, to think again, isn't it quite good also ? People that dun understands me, thinks I'm 18 and yet because of emotion stuffs, i went back down to 12 years old. But the fact is, normal stuffs, i can behave @ 18. But when it comes to love, relationships, i seriously dropped back to 12 years old. I'm weak and stupid in all this.
When Bryan mum ask me, ' You and him what now ? ' I understand the mum is trying to ask, what relationship are we now ? Friends ? Or couple ? I answered the mum ' I also dunno what we are now, it's way to complicated. ' The reason why i would say this is because, I myself feel that, at times, we're like couples, but at times, we're just like normal friends, I, myself also dunno what we're @ now. How could i answer her ?
As for him, things has been getting from bad to worst, dunno how to solve and dunno how to face it either. Just wanna run away, as far as i can. But i'm glad, at least he cared, he asked why I didn't meet them after i know what was going on. Yes, because i dun dare to, because i'm afraid that i could fall deeper and deeper, i can't behave like him, treat it as nothing happen. But, i do miss him, real lots, the mum told Bryan that, ' Which girl like my son, ask her come and find me first. ' For a moment, i feel like taking Bryan's phone and call the mum and said, ' Aunty, I'm the girl who like your son, would you like to meet up ? ' For a moment, i really really feel like doing that.
Stupid uh ? I noe also. Well, dun feel like talking anymore, BYE.
Friday, August 9, 2013
Firstly of first, HAPPY NATIONAL DAY ! Posting after sucha long time. HAHAH ! Things has been going on and on. Currently @ Bryanlim's house using my own lappy to blog, he and Nikki both enjoying their cuddling in the bed, while Ahsiang and Wilson is outside playing mahjong. Feeling rather bored. HAHA ! And i doubt Leon is coming also.
And mention of him, I'm super tired of playing mind games and i won bother much now. Seriously, mood spoiling. Mygod, i already dun wanna bother much and there you are, kpl, go send him this type of message, makes him and me both feel like i'm like so desperate. Mygod. I dun wanna look so desperate can and i'm not. Seriously, just SERIOUSLY ! -'- And now you've gotten this type of answer, you're happy right ? I'm also very happy leh. -'- Never think before you do something.
I seriously need a Jubeat machine now, like RIGHT NOW. Maybe we should go out less, contact less. Since the day we know each other, we've been meeting like everyday, or not today meet, tomorrow never meet, next day meet again, one day apart only, but now, it became 2 days apart, maybe we should remain this way and counting down to the days.
The more i go out with you, the longer i face you, the deeper i fall, i can't afford to fall so hard, once is enough, i dun need another time. You can make it look like you dun care, you dun bother but i'm so sorry i can't. You can pretend everything never happen and be good friends on the spot, sorry i can't, i need time to get rid of you before i started being friends with you again, i dun even think we have the chance to be friends again.
I dunno what's wrong with me that night, that i'll say those type of things and even telling you the truth. I should have just continued the ignorance and stop meeting Bryanlim, as meeting him, would make me think of you again and again. And i believed, everything would be more or less even better then now. Well, i had to do it one day, and you can stop what you wan to tell me on that day @ Bryanlim's house. I noe what you wan to say.
I'll do it before you say, i just can't afford another night like that, it just simply hurt. And once this is done, you won have to stress so much, isn't that good, and you'll be free like what you use to be before you get to know me, knowing me was a disaster and yes i noe. Well, i just dun wanna you to be stress up over this matter, Bryan has been mentioning that you're always afraid of this and that. I dun wan it.
You can simply end my conversation with K, but sorry i'm can't do that and i go helpless whenever you reply me with K, i would always be thinking, ohmygod, a K, what am i going to do, stop talking ? Or continue ? You already K me which seem like you dun wanna talk anymore, i think it's best if i dun bother bout you anymore, but i really wanna talk to you. But forget it. I'll miss you when i dun see you, but i doubt you'll miss me when you dun see me.
When i heard that on that day, you actually cried and you brought beer to school and you had depression and what so ever, i was shock and upset, i thought you could be relaxed that yeah, finally i'm gone. I'm starting to think like, ohmygod, am i wrong ? Is my word too harsh ? What do i do to make him feel better. In a confused and messy state, I'm 18 years old and i'm already like that, you're only 14 years old, you must be feeling like you're dying, I'm so sorry.
It's okay, as long as you're happy, i'm fine with anything, simply anything. Dun wanna talk anymore. Goodbye.